those 2 weeks

My grandfather was hospitalized on 11 april 2007, after a bad fall in the toilet. He suffered a stroke on his left side of his body. I wasn’t prepared for the scene that greeted me when I visited him in hospital that day. Gone was the strong, dignified-looking man who had the whole family – all 12 children, god knows how many grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren, under his command. He was a pale version of his old self. He was very weak, his vision was blurred, his speech incoherent at times. He was totally dependent on others to move around, even if moving means lifting his leg, or scratching an itch, or changing his body position in bed. I was heartbroken. I was humbled. Such is the power of God – to reduce a man to such a state.

And then a few days later, on Saturday 14 april 2007, my grandmother, his wife, passed away.

She passed away peacefully, while in her sleep. It was mid-afternoon, and I was bringing the laundry in when I received the news. It took some frantic calls before it was confirmed. Yes, my grandmother, my beloved grandmother, has passed away. Who would have thought? While we were all concerned with my grandfather, it was her who was taken away from us first.

In retrospect, it was perhaps fortunate that she passed away when she did. If my grandfather were not hospitalized, we would probably not get to see her in her last few days. It’s precisely because of our daily hospital visits that all her children staying in Singapore, most of her grandchildren, and all her great-grandkids got to see her in her last few days. Alhamdulillah. Whoever would have thought that that huge hug I gave her that Friday night would be the last with her ever?

It has been difficult these few days. I suppose the whole family’s not been able to go through the whole cycle of grief cos we have our grandfather still to look after. So we soldiered on. Even while her body was on the way to be buried, some of us were accompanying our grandfather back to hospital. And keeping him company there, which meant that we were not around to accept all the condolences passed our way. We act like things are normal. We talk positive and sound positive. Just so we could lift up our grandfather’s sagging spirits, so he can get better.

But we can’t be there all the time, and we feel guilty for it. I feel guilty when I leave him at night at the hospital, but life has to go on. And then I feel selfish for thinking that. Which makes me feel guilty all over again.

But really, the best thing I can do for him, and for my arwah grandmother, is to pray for them. Pray that my grandfather gets well soon and is blessed with good health for many years to come. And sedekahkan al-fateha to my arwah grandmother, semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat.

Alhamdulillah, my grandfather appears to be getting out of the melancholy that’s been engulfing him the past week. All might soon be well, insyaAllah….