night duty

it's 3 in the morning and i'm sitting in a darkened room listening to the gentle snorings of the husband and the whimperings of the boy. yes - the boy. our precious boy, has arrived some 7 weeks back. and my life has not returned to normalcy since then.

is it normal to feel completely inadequate and helpless? that mothering instinct that's supposed to kick in once baby arrives, i think it decided to give me a miss, cos i don't think i have it. what i do have, though, is a growing list of failures.

i shall not dwell on my failings as a mother.

staying up late - now that's something i can do. so here i am, on night duty today and every day. taking care of baby, when he's semi-groggy anyway and doesnt need much coaxing to go to sleep once awake - this i can do.

well hello!

i was suddenly hit by a thought while having kway teow goreng for lunch just now (yes fat-laden food has that effect on us sometimes) that i should start blogging again. of course there's the problem of remembering what the fish the name of my blog was, or even the account details to log in. but as luck would have it, i was directed straight to the dashboard - apparently i'm already logged on to google, which apparently is my account userid. so...hurrah for serendipity (not really the correct word to use in this instance, but i like the sound of it and it's MY blog, so there)!

it has been a good 1 year and 3 months since i last blogged, and reading the last post kinda put a smile on my face you know. i do so love my husband, and it is just like him to do this kind of thing. so things have been great on THAT front, if not better :)

it's not that there's nothing much to blog these days. it's that there are just too many things happening, that finding the time to sit down and type them all down would just take away the time for me to do something else. but that's like being such a super-poser dont you think, claiming that you don't have time to blog because you're way too busy? the truth of the matter is that i just got plain lazy, and having twitter does not help.

though the 'many things happening' in my life is not too much of a stretch either. some highlights:

• i got seconded to a supposedly 'hostile' posting, where i spent the better part of my time evading missiles. oh but of course i do some decent work too


• i got promoted, for agreeing to said posting, which meant a huge pay jump that inadvertently made me spend even more


• i shop and shop, not so much for branded goods (i never got around to getting myself another expensive bag after my Kate Spade, which unfortunately has to suffer the indignity of forever being associated wif TPL - but such is life), but for old retro-looking items for the house. weekends are spent scouring for finds. we still have an old kitchen cupboard (the kind they used to store cooked dishes back in the old days) stowed away in a dingy shophouse store in melaka, which has yet to be transported back to SG.


• we clean the house - which really is a gargantuan task, seeing to the amount of rubbish, err sorry, GEMS we've gotten from our shopping. and the cleaning never.seems.to.end! add to that the weekly laundry that has to be done, and the house is in a perpetual mess!


• we renewed our lease for the house, which means another 2 years here in uv. i am personally in love with the place, though it can never compare to cg (but how to compare to cg i ask you?? location, location, location!). this also means that we're kinda sinking our roots there, which also means that there'll be more home-grown papayas to look forward to. did i tell you the papaya trees we'd carelessly planted have borne fruits?? the wonder of it all!


• we travelled - nowhere far, but travelled nonetheless. had some fantabulous times travelling with the family, 1st to kl, and then to bintan where we had our very own villa with our very own pool. oh and we went on a cruise for the first time ever, that was nice. went to kk and kl and krabi for work, those were great trips. and we went melaka melaka melaka. i've lost track of the number of times we've been there, but we love the place so much, and there's always something new to discover.


• my brother got married, and you know how time-consuming weddings are, even if it's not your own! oh and i had to organise a seminar cum retreat to hi chi minh for 350 pax (a logistical nightmare!) and oversee its smooth running while in singapore overseeing my brother's wedding!


• my parents moved house, and then moved again. which means a whole lot of packing and unpacking and re-packing and unpacking to do.

so you see, i really was rather busy (excuses!). plus i suspect that i'm just plain lazy and no longer as disciplined as before when it comes to penning down my thoughts. i've often marvelled at the discipline and determination shown by my favourite bloggers - there is always something to read because they're constantly posting up new posts. and they're not idle people with no day jobs mind you.

but i also know that i cannot let laziness and ill-discipline get in the way of recording my thoughts for posterity. especially not now. who cares if nobody reads them - i would be reading them, and i WANT to know what i was feeling, thinking, and doing during this period of my life. it is not everyday that one gets pregnant with one's first kid yah, and although i'm like 8 months too late, it is better late than never :)

so...hello everyone! expect to hear more from me soon!