embarking on a journey

I’ve never had inai on my hands in all my years of existence, until today. And I hate the end result. But I tell myself not to sweat over these things. In 12 hours’ time, I’ll be embarking on a journey with my best friend, my soulmate, my love. And THAT is something to look forward to.

May the next 2 days run smoothly for us and our families
May our union receive HIS blessings
And may our marriage kekal hingga ke syurga
Amin ya rabbal alamin

ramblings – end

I rambled quite a bit didn’t i? I suppose back then I was bitter cos I was still without a proper job after months of searching. I’m pretty amazed at how some of the things I’ve said then reflect exactly how i'm feeling now. Like my sentiments on marriage, and how mine would be like. Apart from the white fluffy wedding dress (which is so yesterday), all my other thoughts and dreams on that subject remain the same. And I’m praying they’ll come true..insyaAllah.

That girl seven years ago cant wait for life to grab her by the shoulders and sweep her off. She was disappointed and bitter that things back then didn’t go as planned. Throughout those seven years, she has experienced love, heartache, hopelessness, success, recognition, wild adventure, depression, the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

Seven years on, this same girl has a renewed sense of confidence, and an assured sense of self. I like this new her, and I wish her all the best.

ramblings of an unwilling bummer 2

My 2 good friends are getting married on my birthday, and I feel terrible. Yup, I feel terrible. And if I feel terrible, does that make me a bad friend?

It’s just that I cant believe that 2 of my friends, and of course they’re both as old as me, are getting married. I mean, aren’t we a bit too young to be getting married? They’re only 22 now, 23 when they get married. Can you imagine the tones of things that one can do at that age? To give up your freedom just when one is given freedom is unthinkable to me. There I was, being under my parents’ care for at least 18 years. Then, when I reach 18, they began to realize that hey! I am big enough and mature enough to take care of myself. So then I was given freedom, albeit a bit only. Then when I’ve finally completed school, I gain another kind of freedom – the freedom to spend my money on whatever I want. I now have financial independence. It’s time to enjoy life man! It’s time to have fun! But it’s definitely not time to settle down and get married.

Marriage is not something to be taken lightly. At least that’s what my parents always say. And my religion sees marriage as something of an institution. It is the responsibility of those in my religion to get ourselves marred and propagate. The main aim here is to populate the world, an to keep it populated. And sure that sounds heavy, but I’m actually looking forward to it. I’m looking forward to the whole idea of getting married, and staying married for the rest of my life. But the thing is, I don’t want to get married when I’m 23. No way hosay!

Yah, don’t mistake me. I’ve been dreaming about getting married all my life. I dream about meeting that perfect man, of wearing the white, fluffy wedding dress. I dream of all these.

But I not only dream of getting married, but also of being married I dream about the kind of married life I would have. I dream of waking up every morning with the man I love by my side. I dream of having someone for me to hold and hug. I dream of us having fun together, and helping each other out when we’re in trouble. I dream of having kids of our own I dream of nurturing my kids with my husband, and of both of us having our hands full dealing with our kids. I dream of the time when I can sit back with my husband and reminisce over old times.

As I grow older, I think of other aspects of married life. I dream of the freedom I would have once I’m married to touch my husband anytime I want to. I dream of the time when I would lose my virginity. I dream of having sex. I dream of the tenderness and the love that I have so much to give, and the tenderness and love that I will receive.

I dream.

Of course I know that life is no bed of tulips. My marriage I’m pretty sure will not be smooth-sailing throughout. I know there will be hiccups along the way. I would probably get mself into terrible fights with my husband. And when that happens, we might not even speak for days. But I know that my marriage will work. I just know it! The question of divorce has never been on my mind, even though I know the divorce rate for my community is the highest here. I know that a lot of my friends, especially the more liberal ones, do not believe in the institution of marriage. What’s the point of getting married, they reasoned, when one is only going to end up in divorce anyway?

Well, that’s them. Me, I’ve never thought about it. I’m surrounded by happy couples, by happy close-knit families. And that is why I’m not afraid of marriage. Why I’m looking forward to it. But that still doesn’t make me feel less terrible abut the prospect of my 2 friends getting married.

It’s not that I’m not happy for my two friends. I am. But I still feel terrible when I know that they’re getting married on my birthday. Why must they get married on my birthday? Why MY birthday? As if I’m not feeling miserable enough. Oh I know. I know what people would say. Hellooo dear little missy….does the world revolve around you??? Yes I know. Of course the world does not revolve around me. And of course my 2 friends have perfectly good reasons why they want to be married on that day. Like the fact that my birthday falls on a Sunday next year. And the fact that the weekend of my birthday happens to be the first weekend of the school holidays. But I still feel terrible.

Why do I feel terrible? Hellooo. Isn’t it obvious enough?? I feel terrible because I am jealous. Yes jealous. Jealous that each of my 2 friends has someone who actually wants to spend the rest of his life with her, while I don’t. jealous that they have someone who cherishes and loves them, while I don’t. jealous that they’re going ahead in their journey of life with someone by their side, while I trudge alone. Yes, jealous. Plain and simple I’m JEALOUS!

Oh please. Why do I want to be jealous of my friends? They are my friends after all aren’t they? I’m supposed to be happy for them. And I am happy for them. Really I am. I’ll only be wishing the best for them, and I sincerely hope that they’ll be happy always. But I still feel terrible. Terrible because I know that while there are people out there being happy, I am but one pathetic sad creature. I’m happy for them, true, but I definitely am not happy myself.

I guess the fact that the weddings will be held on my birthday sort of rubs the salt into my already open wound. I know that I’d be feeling miserable that day. Turning a year older is never a happy occasion. One has to deal with the all-important question: what have I done this past year? Or the more important question: what have I been doing with my life all these years? These are definitely tough questions. And the thing is, not only are the questions tough, they have pretty unpalatable answers as well. I hate thinking about my life. There’s really nothing much I can say about it. Given the chance to assess myself on my very own report card, I would say that I’m a flop. Really.

Ok ok. Some of you would probably be exasperated with me. Ok fine. I do admit that academically-speaking, I’m doing ok. I do have that elusive bachelor degree in hand, but then again, what good is the degree anyway? Am I employed? NO! So there!

ramblings of an unwilling bummer

I am a fresh graduate. Yes, fresh. Right out of the woods, or in this case, the mass of buildings way yonder at the ridge (kent ridge actually..hehhee). But sometimes I wonder whether I should use the word ‘fresh’ to describe myself. After all, I’m not exactly fresh right? I have officially been out of school for 6 months. Now, we wouldn’t call that fresh would we?

But come to think of it, I wouldn’t want to think of myself as ‘stale’ either. Hmm…’stale’…that word somehow gives me such negative vibes. I think the most appropriate word to use here would be a combination of those 2 words. So, I guess I’m what you people call (or at least what I would personally call) a ‘freshly-stale’ graduate.

I’ve never thought I would be unemployed, but well…here I am, an unwilling bummer. I cringe everytime I hear the label ‘bummer’ being given to me. But hey! I’m not a bummer by choice ok. It’s not as if I’m not doing anything right now. I’m on an all-out search for a permanent job.

It’s kind of funny when I talk about my situation on the net. Way back when I first started chatting, I always introduce myself as someone who’s still schooling, and somehow, that kind of gave me an existence. You know how people always start their conversations with mundane lines. Here’s a sampling of the kind of chats I get myself into..

Guy : hello
Me : hallo
Guy : intro
Me : for wat?
Guy : so that we can know each other better
(or)
for fun
(or)
I want to at least have an idea who I’m chatting with (I like this line by the way)
(or)
guy : ok ok…I’ll start first (which is the best way to start. After all, it’s the gentlemanly way of doing things)
guy : 26/m…..u?
me : oh….me 22f
guy : ohh….work?
me : nope
guy : school where?
Me : nope…not skooling
Guy : then wat? Housewife ah?

Don’t you think that’s bloody irritating? People are either schooling or working, and if not, they’re being the good housewife – staying at home obediently and looking after the house and the kids.

Chatting now is always exciting cos I love to see how the people I chat with react to my answers. I’m a very truthful person (though god knows why I want to be truthful on the net. Everybody else lies I bet..but noo…not me. I’m very naïve hah?) Anyway, since I’m so truthful and all, I cant help but tell them the truth about myself. So way back when I was still an undergrad, I tell people that I’m still studying. And if they were to ask for details, I’ll give it to them, and I’ll always have instant reactions after making that disclosure. Either they’d still be interested to talk to me (prolly cos they feel that they’re on ‘par’ with me.them being undergrads or equivalent), or they’d drop me instantly like a hot potato (reasoning out that they don’t like talking to intelligent girls).

Anyway, now that I’ve graduated and all, I cannot possibly say that I’m still schooling can i? so I usually say I’m a bummer. And whoa! The responses I get are all good! These guys would immediately feel that they’re better than me (not consciously of course), and thus would begin a conversation in which they would be advising me on what to do and all. At the end of it all I always get their contact numbers (I didn’t ask for it!). Somehow being a bummer upped my attraction yah….hehhe!

ramblings – start

my room’s been turned upside down and now it’s in a dreadful mess. I’ve been clearing my cupboard of manymany things, and I’m amazed at how cold I’ve become, the way I’ve been throwing away my things. But one has to be cold if one wants to have some control over the things one owns, right? We own our things yah…not the other way round. So yes…into the bin they go!

Chanced upon my scribblings done on scraps of paper. I’m amazed I still have them, yet thankful that I have them still. They remind me of the person I was back then, and how different she is from the person I am today. Or am I still the same? These scribblings were done in the later part of 1999, when I had too much time in my hands temping around while waiting for that elusive first job.

I need a break from the wedding madness, so I’ll be spending the next few minutes/hours typing these scribblings down just so I could capture them for posterity. Happy reading!

triumph

its 1216 in the morning and i'm still at the office. yupyup. i've got tons of work to do, and i've got only 1 more day left to clear it before i go on leave. which leaves me with not much time. i have a sinking feeling that i'll have to drop in the office occasionally to complete them. thing is, even when i'm done with them, there's still the follow-up to do. bleah.

there was some sandiwara over my preps last weekend. i dont seem to have any say over what i want or dont want. i've decided to just go ahead with what they want. i'm disappointed with them...yes. but i also know that i shd not sweat over these things. ah well.

on a good note....we got the triumph bonneville last week! i'm no biker chick, but i couldnt stop grinning everytime i'm on it. now we're stuck with the happy problem of deciding between the bonneville and the swift everytime we need to zip around...hehhe.

ok gotta go!

i must learn to be deaf to people’s comments

When it comes to an event as big and as important as a wedding, people close to you (and those not so close) are bound to be offering their advice and comments on practically everything. From the duit hantaran to the hantaran gifts to the wedding deco and the food and the bedroom furniture and the bedroom décor and the mak andam and the clothes you wear – nothing is safe.

Relatives have sky-high expectations of the coming wedding. So they can’t understand when my duit hantaran is a supposedly lowly figure, not of ‘market-rate’ for grads. They can’t understand when an unknown, non-branded mak andam is chosen for the wedding. They can’t understand when we choose to be laissez-faire with the wedding, and not go over the top with expenses. They don’t understand all that. What they understand is that this is a grad marrying a grad…so our wedding MUST be grand! And so when I disappoint them in this aspect, they make comments (jokingly they might add), but comments which when heard are hurtful still.

There are many things to your wedded life than the wedding. The wedding is just the start – there’s still the marriage and your years together as a couple to look forward to. There’ll be many many many occasions to spend on, and spending a bomb on a wedding just does not make sense.

One should be praised for being practical instead of ridiculed for being thrifty. Forget the praise – just be happy for us. Share in the joy. Pray that our marriage will last, our years together happy ones.

I must learn to be deaf to people’s comments.

that night wif a Star

We got invites to a party last Friday.

And we decided to go cos of the deliciously dreamy, and superbly talented ryan star of rockstar supernova fame. Spider had been following the show religiously, choosing to follow this talent show rather than the sometimes yawn-inducing singapore idol show, which was also shown on Wednesday nights. I was hooked on from the later episodes, and ryan (and toby!) were my favourites right from the start. Hands up those who were disappointed with the eventual winner – Lukas? Anyways, I suppose things turned out well for ryan in the end, cos he got to pursue a solo career (which he’s so suited for) and fans love him already (he’s rockstar supernova fan favourite for goodness’ sake!).

Back to the launch party. The 2 male VJs who were hosting the show were great, but the rest of the VJs were just so-so. They didn’t seem to have the presence to hold the crowd, and I thought the only thing going for them were their looks. Like I said, the 2 male VJs hosting the show were great. Little wonder then that they were the ones hosting the show, and not the others.

There were other performers at the party – hady mirza, rivermaya, an ah lian and a rapper prancing about on stage, and paul twohill (not part of the programme, but he was walking here and there, practically working the floor, you’d think he’s part of the show. Oh and he actually went on stage to take part in a game, and the VJs had no inkling as to who he was…hahahhha poor soul).

But it was obvious that the main draw was ryan. His was the last performance of the party, and the wait was worth it cos he was sooooooo meltingly goooOOooooOOOood.



And the best thing of the night was…..we got to take pictures with him! Yeyy!

A bit blur cos it's taken wif the fonecam...but I’m one happy camper :D

vanity part 2 | old & bochap

So it’s not exactly gone according to plan. I didn’t get to the office early enough for the gym – the bed’s just too tempting. But I did work out at the gym during lunch. And yesterday we went for a super brisk walk around the neighbourhood that left us panting for breath, and today I worked out at the gym during lunch again. Nobbad nobbad.

And a friend has proudly told me that she’s lost 5kilos since she started on her exerama! Nobbad at all!

Maybe I shd have a target, like losing at least 2 kilos? Heeee
___________________________________________________

I have been contacting my jc friends to ask for their mailing addresses. It seems that weddings are the only occasions where we can meet and catch up. And 3 of my guy classmates are already fathers! They’re Chinese males mind you (I only mention this cos usually malays tend to marry earlier than their non-malay counterparts), and we’re considered young still (we’re in our 20s waat), so I was surprised when I found out. Then again I really shouldn’t be, cos I’m the one who’s marrying ‘late’. But then ah, I don’t even feel that I’m marrying ‘late’. I don’t feel old. Mum will always say “macam ni nak kawin?” in exasperation everytime my kiddish behaviour comes to the fore.

Err what’s my point again? Nevermind…

I’m super grateful that my lovely young aunt is doing many of the preps for me cos believe me, I cant be bothered by all these preps myself and everyone’s been on my case for being so bochap! Its frustrating. I’m pretty sure things will fall into place without us going into overdrive, so really guys…cool it. InsyaAllah semua akan berjalan lancar…

vanity

i am finally succumbing to the pressure. yup. have decided that i'll hit the gym again after 3 months of hiatus. as much as i try to be above it all, i have to admit that insinuations that i am fat hurt me just that lil bit.

so... i'll put in a lil bit of work this last month or so to work out a bit. and though i'd love to say i'm doing it all for the pursuit of a healthier me, the sad fact of the matter is that this is all motivated by vanity. yup. even plain old me is vain sometimes. we try to look our best. and though we know that beauty is just skin-deep, we still want to look good anyway. not just to ourselves, but to others too.

i'll try to be at the office earlier today. hopefully i can have at least 30 mins at the gym!

_____________________________________________________

and hari raya is nearly over. didnt do much visiting this year, but the little that i did is captured here :D

the week

The week started with me watching some strange guys and a lady doing unimaginable things to their body, most specifically their poor legs and that all-important palm.


Had meetings at the gardens and the kopiplace, not exactly your usual suspects for work meetings, but definitely nice.

And to top it off, we had these for lunch today

With breathtaking views

Perched high up in the air

And the best thing was…..it’s all free!

And so tomorrow I’ll be on leave again…for yet another long weekend.

I’m one contented lady :D

black-out

Had a meeting near hsa yesterday, so decided to drop by for this..

This time round, things went smoothly. They managed to poke at the right spot, so there was no bruising. The flow was pretty fast too, and before I knew it I was done. Spent some time at the donors’ lounge with a walnut muffin and a cup of milo, and I was good to go.

It was raining when I left. Funny…it was raining the last time too. But anyways, walked to outram…boarded the train, and cos it was the peak rush hour there were no seats available. I had to stand..nothing new there. The first few stops was ok. But as I was reaching lavender I started to feel like something’s not right with me. Felt kinda drowsy. Had a premonition that I’m gonna collapse if I don’t sit down soon, so was planning to get down at kallang just so I could sit down at the platform bench for a while.

Then before I knew what was happening, I felt my arms seized on either side by 2 men. I had apparently collapsed on the floor (!), and these 2 men were helping me up to a seat vacated by one of them.

The 2 men and the lady seating beside me were really helpful. She kept asking if I was alright. After composing myself, I asked her what had happened. She said I’d collapsed onto the floor, and that the 2 men were helping me to my feet and to the seat. I didn’t even know I’d fallen! It was a total blank-out man. Scary..

This was indeed a lesson in humility. Spider had always told me that he’d feel a bit giddy and nauseous after a donation, and I had always told him that I suffer from no ill-effects whatsoever. Ah..padan muka aku!

I’m ok now. in fact, my “blank-out, not feeling well” stage lasted for a while only. Must be cos I had to stand so long right after the donation. Didn’t happen to me before cos I was either driving (so no need to stand so long) or I was in the office (again, no standing for long). I had loads of water yesterday night, and I slept early. One has to pay due respect to one’s one body aye..

_______________________________________________________________

In other news, we have finally, FINALLY, sent our invites for printing. We got ourselves in a mess over this cos our initial printer played us out, and the few trips to jb we made over the last few days didn’t give us what we wanted. Thank god it’s all settled yesterday. Alhamdulillah……

_______________________________________________________________

In other other news, one of my projects is over. Yeyyy! We went all out after raya to get things done. And funnily enough, I lost weight after raya..and not during puasa. Hahh. Definitely cos of the long hours spent at work, the rushing here and there, and the many meals we cut short (or skipped!) to make sure everything went well. There was one hiccup unfortunately, but in all, things went well.

I hv to present at an event next Monday…but was just told that it was postponed. Yeyy!! Leaves more breathing room for me. Which means I’ll be free to take leave tomorrow :)

salam lebaran

Some of the things I did for raya:

Putting up the curtains all on my own again – nvm, next year my bros will have to do without me. Baru padan muka!

Standing at the kitchen sink for hours on end peeling off prawn shells and chopping up slimy chicken parts – I wont be doing this next year!

Ironing my bros’ baju kurung to wear for 1st day – takpelah, since it’ll be the last time I’m doing this for them anyway.

It is liberating, yet somewhat strange and sad, going about the tasks leading up to raya knowing that it will be the last time you’re doing them as a single daughter living in the house.

This time next year, I’ll be somebody’s wife.
I’ll be preparing for raya in my own house.
I’ll be cooking my own dishes, with help from him of course (or rather..i’ll be helping him!!).
I’ll be the grown-up one, no longer having the luxury to hide behind my parents’ backs.
I’ll be different. Or will I stay the same?

It is not too late to wish you all Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. May you be blessed with the company of your loved ones, InsyaAllah. Kalau ada yang tersilap kata, terkasar bahasa, terguris rasa, maafkanlah kita ye.

And to my dear frens, I take this opportunity to seek forgiveness for the wrongs that I’ve done. Let us be friendlier, nicer and more accommodating this time round yah. Jalan raya anyone? I’ve tons of leave to clear… :P

headache

I’ve a big project come end of the month, and we’ve been rushing like mad. Another project due 1st week December before I go off on my leave. And yet another huge project come 3rd january next year, my very first day back at work. Which begs the question…how on earth am I gonna handle that if I’m away on leave???

In the midst of all that madness…I managed to produce these…



They say baking is good therapy for the stressed minds. Right. The oven decided to play up after 6 years of service, so one batch wd be burnt crisp after only 5 minutes in the oven while another wd be flour-ry even after 40 minutes. All at the same temperature. Practically camped by the oven’s side to visually see if the cookies are alrite.

So..a few more days of Ramadan left. I thought it was only yesterday that we started fasting, but before you know it, it’s gonna be over.

And it’s less than 2 mths to the day. He told me yesterday that it’s time to shift into 4th gear. And shift we did alrite! Sent in the draft of our wedding invites today. AND we registered online today..finally! Decided that we’ll not wait for the kadi that we wanted to be available (he has retired from official service, so his name has to be approved first bcos of some govt statutes..which is just plain ridiculous cos he was THE guy back when he was in service). We went ahead wif a young guy instead…he who had taught us during our course last year. So anyways..that’s settled. We’ll go for the ‘interview’ next week after raya..heee.

My room still gives me a huge headache though.

Urgh ok back to work!

non-lunch | busybee

am stuck at a hotel these last 2 days for a conference. and since its ramadan, i get to miss out on the unhealthy hotel food. yeyy! but thats just my way of masking my disappointment at having missed out on the food. of all the months in the year, they have to hold this THIS month?

and so here i am waiting for lunch to be over so that we can get on with the programme. thank god for the trusty laptop!

these few days, and the next few weeks, will be busybusybusy. and though i shd be busy wif wedding preps, the sad reality's that i've been busy with work. yes WORK. unbelievable the amount of projects we'll be doing this last quarter. the boss has suddenly gone ambitious and decided that we HAVE to complete these projects by YEAR END, when in normal circumstances they wd have taken a few months each at least. so yeah...i'll be busybusybusy. and although my supergolden rule is not to bring work home (unlike my teacher frens who ALWAYS bring work home..hehhe), i'm sorry to announce that i've been bringing work home the last couple of days. which explains why i have the company of the trusty ibm thinkpad from work with me. just because you're at a conference doesn't mean that you cannot work okay. you have to be PRODUCTIVE!

yeah...me blogging is productive alrite..hehhe!

i've not done anything abt my room. i've no idea how my room wd look like come the big day. absolutely no idea. i'm trying hard to resist the noisy suggestions of my aunties, who insist that i MUST have lacy heavy curtains on the walls behind the bed. it might be nice, but i'd just feel claustraphobic. i want my room to look airy..breezy. and i have no idea how to achieve that. any idea girls?

oh i was telling honey the bunny (kuakuakua...think you gals know who i'm referring to, tho i cant exactly picture her as a bunny! hmmmmmmmm) the other day that she'd still get to be at my wedding-do cos we're thinking of holding a post-wedding thingy for our close frens. his students' brainwave of an idea actually, and they're all psyched up to do the work. all we have to do is be present! hehh. so anyways..the date and venue have been confirmed. will let you gals know when i talk to you yah!

it's slightly over 2 months to the day. time flies huh.

in the moon for honey

The only time I took up something from the travel agent was when I was ‘doing’ Sydney and Melbourne with 2 of my friends some years back. We were travel novices then, and we thought it’d be better to get the agent to do all the bookings for us.

That was before I discovered the thrill of making travel arrangements myself. Now that I’m hooked, nothing else would do.

We succumbed to the herd mentality and made our way to the travel fair last Saturday. Thought that since everybody said it’s good, it’s got to be good. But the packages were nothing to shout about, and we thought we could do better making arrangements ourselves. After much surfing and calling up these last 2 days, I’m happy to say that our travel arrangements are in the bag :)

Funny how I’m more excited abt the trip than the actual wedding. Hmmmm

we the spectators

Was admitting rather sheepishly some time back to a good friend that I wasn’t being much of a friend to her and the rest of the gals back when they were preparing for their big day. I didn’t help in their wedding preps…at all. We didn’t hold any hen parties. I didn’t sleep over. And in the case of F, I didn’t even join in her bertandang (gasps!).

And although she was mighty miffed at me for that, she admitted that she didn’t exactly pitch in to help her friends either. She pointed out that perhaps we were too caught up with the westernized idea of girlfriends pitching in to help each other out for their big days. According to her, they had to do that cos, over there, they don’t exactly have the privilege of having their extended family close by to help out. Friends were therefore very important in ensuring that the big day goes along fine.

It made sense when she puts it like that. Our aunties, uncles, cousins – the whole big gang, are overly eager to chip in with the wedding preps, and it doesn’t seem nice to refuse them. So by the time our friends come into the picture, they’ll usually be left with nothing to do. Hence, I’ve been a spectator to my friends’ weddings. And hence, they’re spectators to my preps now.

Not that I mind. I’m fine with it actually. So what’s the point of this entry? Hehhhe I’m not exactly sure.

Anyways, you gals are always welcome to chip in with the wedding preps anytime you want, that is, provided the tasks haven’t been snapped up by my over-eager relatives :P

And hey, even if you don’t, you’re no lesser a friend to me yah!

puasa-ing

and before i forget...

it's only the 3rd day still, so i guess it's not too late yet. selamat berpuasa everyone!

taking leave

Second entry today to make up for the lack of entries these last couple of days

So anyway, I’m facing a problem. A happy problem actually, but a problem nonetheless.

Thing is, I’ve got 15.5 days of annual leave left from last year which I’ve not consumed yet. And I absolutely have to consume them by end of this year, otherwise they’d all be wiped out. Then, I just found out that we’re given 7 working days of marriage leave. Not calendar days mind you. WORKING days. Add to that is the holiday off in lieu that we’ll be getting for deepavali, since it falls on a Saturday. This means that all in, I have 23.5 days of leave to clear, all by end of the year. And I haven’t even included my 21 days leave entitlement for this year, which can be carried forward to next year. Happiness!!

BUT! I cant find the time to clear them all. Been staring at my calendar for the rest of the year, and it’s filled up with work deadlines and work events which simply cant be skipped. Here’s the plan for my leave so far:

Week before wedding – 5 days
After wedding leave till the end of the year – 9 days
Hari Raya leave – 3 days

Which still leaves me with 6.5 days of leave to clear. Hmmmmmm

I think I’ll have to take leave here and there..whenever the opportunity arises lah. Otherwise theres no way I can clear them all.

I’ll start with this Friday then. Yeehah!

and hady has won!

To be honest, I didn’t think he could make it. Though he was better vocally throughout the competition, I’ve always thought he looked a bit stoned out. His face was expressionless. And before the finals, jonathan was the better performer. He owned the stage (though his voice sucked at times). Then there was the race factor – how people might not want another malay to be the idol, after taufik.

But!

Hady was spectacular at the finals. He gave me goosebumps..especially after the first and second performance (wasn’t too crazy with the third tho…thot the official song suck to begin with lah). Gone were his glazed looks. His energy level was way high. He totally outperformed himself this time.

He totally deserved my 6 bucks!

bawah blok kan lebih meriah

The plan was for us to book the cc near my place for the whole weekend, his on saturday and mine on sunday. That plan had to be scrapped tho. My parents preferred having mine at the void deck, lebih meriah they said. The majlis is as much theirs as mine (think their invites outnumber mine 10 to 1 ah!), so I left it at that lah. Whatever.

He still wanted to go ahead with having his at the cc though. So we made enquiries early early on. Found out that booking can only be made 3 months before the date.

Btw, these CCs work in strange ways. We were told that booking the hall cost abt $1,100 for members, and abt $1,900 for non-members. But hey, you can be a member for a grand sum of $10! Hahha. Why don’t they just say…non-members pay $1,110, inclusive of membership fees? I wonder if there are goondus out there who still insist on paying $1,900 cos they don’t wanna be members. Hmmmmm

So spider called them up again the other day, just to try his luck. Went through the whole member non-member thingy again. And then he gave the lady on the phone the date, asked her to check if it’s available. She said “wait ah, must check the book”. After checking the book, she said “sorry ah, that date cannot”. And he said “alamak. got people book already isit?”. And she said “no lah. hall close from October to December. Got renovation.”
And she needed the book to tell her that?!?

So now, no cc for me, and no cc for him too. Hahha! We’ll have mine at my void deck. And his at the mph at his sis’.

Oh have I mentioned that lift upgrading works are about to start on my block? They’ve already started digging up tons of earth, apparently for some re-piping works. Just great.

accident revisited

saw the sign "accident lane 1 near paya lebar exit" on my way home on the pie an hour ago. so was expecting some form of delay when we approached the accident site. what we were not expecting was the sight of a body of a dead man lying sprawled on the road still.

granted the coroner or the csi (s'pore's version of it) was probably not on the scene yet, so the policemen who were there probably did not want to do anything to 'contaminate' the scene. but the least they could do was to cover the body, or at least form a protective shield around it. not so much to protect the sensibilities of us passerbys, but to protect the dignity of the victim.

was instantly reminded of the scene that fateful day in may of my cousin sprawled on the road. the accident supposedly happened close to 6 in the morning. we were at the scene at 7plus in the morning. and his body was still lying there, for all and sundry to see (and gawk and ask insensitive qns and gossip like the kepo singaporeans that we are).

why couldnt the police form a barricade around the body? why not form a human shield, so that curious passerbys would have nothing to see and gossip about? and why did it take so bloody long to process the scene, collect the body and bring it to the morgue?

yes the victim is dead. but shouldnt there be urgency in tending to the dead? while the one still alive was rushed to hospital asap, the one already dead was left sprawling on the road for more than 2 hours. shouldnt there be respect for the dead too?

it just occured to me that i've not passed that road ever since the accident. not ever. either it's a coincidence, or a deliberate effort of the drivers (dad, spider, me) to avoid it. the image of his sprawling body is still fresh in my head though. but i also have images of him in his cheerful corny self. and these help to keep me, keep us who were there at the scene, sane. he's in our prayers still, may Allah bless his soul..

i wonder how long the body of that poor man had been lying there on the pie. i hope it's brought to the morgue already.

going vege | shit

How do you propose to lose weight if you keep indulging yrself like this?

I had the rice meal set for dinner on tuesday. The full works. Always indulged myself everytime I’m at komalas. Deluded myself by thinking its vegetarian. But it’s not very healthy once all the sauces are included is it? :P
(the other 2 trays were spider's btw..hahha!)

Yesterday I was involved in some seriously pointless shit. I felt so privileged to be given the honour. Bleah!

i feEEeel good

Those who know me will know that I’m a berms and tshirt person. Out of work, I rarely wear anything else. And when I’m at work, I wear boring looking tops and pants. Used to be that I wore skirts to work, but my growing derriere has made fitting into those skirts impossible, and I’m just too lazy to buy new skirts. Come to think of it, I’ve not bought new pants for more than a year too (or maybe two? gasps!)! Just too lazy. Of course there’ll be the occasional forays into shopping malls to look for that perfect bottom, but it seems that nothing fits me anymore. I’m short and reasonably thin, but with a humungous butt. So it’s impossible to fit into size S pants. And M size pants are just too big. So what’s a girl to do? Don’t shop lor..

Of late though I’ve been wearing outfits I normally wouldn’t wear, be it for work or leisure. (god knows why I bought those outfits in the first place!) And I realized that hey, I actually look good in them. Those dresses which I thought were just too girly/dressy/colourful for work ended up getting me a few compliments from people at work. And when I started pairing off long-forgotten tops with my jeans, I actually look good, to the point that I think I’m gorgeous! (ok ego trip here)

The thing is, when you feel good about what you’re wearing, you’ll feel good about everything else too. Suddenly there’s a lift to your steps. You stand just that lil bit taller. Your shoulders are pushed just that lil bit more to the back. You’ll start thinking you look good. And guess what, you do look good to others! It’s all about positive vibes babe! When people see that you’re happy, when people see that you act like as if you’re the most beautiful person around, automatically they’ll be influenced to think that way of you too. It’s infectious!

So I’ve decided to be a bit more vain and try to put in a lil bit more effort into my dressing. I love feeling good about myself these past few days. I love getting compliments from people. And I so love making spider think that he’s the luckiest man around for having me ..hehhe! Well of cos he’s already lucky to have me cos I’m intelligent, articulate, funny and understanding. But add drop-dead gorgeous to the mix and he’ll be hooked to me for life! Kuakuakuakuakuakua

Ok you can start vomiting now :P

recovery | pics

I am slowly recovering from the disappointment of my shopping non-event. Life has to go on eh? :)

Some work photos…….

Many would be forgiven for thinking that the whole of bangkok is devoted to the tourism dollar. But there are pockets of industrialisation in the outskirts of the city, and throughout the country. Employment in the big MNCs there are coveted for, so you'll find that turnover in these companies tend to be very very low, if not zero.

Random shots…

That last shot was taken at night from the 83rd floor of the hotel I was staying in btw. It reminded me of the ox-bow lakes from geography classes eh.

shopping non-event

Was in bangkok the last couple of days for work. And I’m upset. Not with the work, cos we got some great work done out of the trip. I’m upset cos I didn’t manage to get much shopping done.

I’m not a shopping person. I can make do with my backpack when I travel cos I rarely shop. My family and friends have come to know that of me, so they don’t expect to get any souvenirs from me when I get back from my travels.

But I was planning to do a lot of shopping this time round. So much so that I actually brought a luggage bag for the trip…a luggage bag! Hahha. Thought I might need it to keep my purchases. Was planning to get loads of shoes…cos my working shoes are in a sorry state now. was planning to get clothes…lots of tops and perhaps a few dresses to inject life into my oh-so-boring wardrobe. Was planning to get some things for my wedding…maybe a hantaran gift or two…or some stuffs to spruce up my bedroom.

Got myself 1 work top, 2 casual tops, 4 pairs of slippers, 1 ipod nano softcover, 1 photoframe. That’s it.

I really am not a shopping person. I like to look around first before buying anything. I’m not an impulse buyer. I cant just look at a thing, and immediately decide to buy it. I’m just not like that. I prefer to take my time. And bangkok is just not a place to take your time in. there are so many shopping places to cover. And so little time. and it doesn’t help that I have company on my shopping trips, cos this means that I have to wait for the person while she browse around and BUYS her stuffs.

And so I’m upset. I came to work today wearing the very pair of shoes that I thought I’d have trashed for my newly-bought ones from Bangkok. But, there’s no new pair of shoes. Upset!

On a positive note, my trip reminded me of why I love Thailand so much. Great food. Nice people. There’s beauty in all that chaos. And i blend in cos people thought I’m local. Nice!

show me the money!

Came across something interesting from a book I was reading this morning…

“Business executives can more easily fire people and – equally important – they can use money to buy talent. Most social sector leaders, on the other hand, must rely on people underpaid relative to the private sector or, in the case of volunteers, paid not at all. Yet a finding from our research is instructive: the key variable is not how (or how much) you pay, but who you have on the bus. The comparison companies on our research – those that failed to become great – placed greater emphasis on using incentives to ‘motivate’ otherwise unmotivated or undisciplined people. The great companies, in contrast, focused on getting and hanging on to the right people in the first place – those who are productively neurotic, those who are self-motivated and self-disciplined, those who wake up every day, compulsively driven to do the best they can because it is a part of their DNA."

Which runs contrary to the way our nation’s leaders are compensated, don’t you think? The powers that be believe, rather fervently I must say, that we must pay top dollar to attract great leaders to lead this little country of ours. So we end up paying an obscene amount of money to these people, because if not, they’d not be motivated enough to leave their cushy jobs to join the public sector (our MP’s allowance is $13,500 a month, and this is apart from the salary he’s getting from his full-time job! Imagine how much our ministers are earning!).

But when you think of it, doesn’t that mean then that we’re attracting the wrong kind of leaders? Who do we want to attract? The kind who pauses a while, weighing the amount of money he’s likely to lose/gain from making that leap? Or the kind who’ll take on the challenge when called upon regardless the compensation because, hey, he strongly believes in making a difference?

being a friend | MY guy

I’ve not been a good friend.

I’d thought, wrongly, that a friend tells it as it is, warts and all.

So if i think that my friend is making a mistake by jumping into her marriage without really knowing the guy and without even being in love with him, I’ll tell my friend so because, hey, it’s my duty to wake her up from the dream even if she refuses to see the harsh reality for herself.

And if, after the wedding, my friend comes running to me with her problems and wonders if she should leave the marriage, my instant reaction would be to encourage her to leave it cos she’s miserable enough as it is and hey, wouldn’t one want one’s friends to be happy in their lives?

I’ve realized that I’ve been wrong. I should have just listened to her whines and woes, cos that’s what friends do – be the listening ear. What I should NOT do is to offer my 5cents worth (cant give 2cents cos no more 1cent coins liao). Cos decisions such as that can only be made by the person herself, and friends and families have no right to impose their thoughts and opinions on the matter. And if she chooses to make the marriage work, then as a friend I should stand by her. Support her. Give positive comments instead of making snide remarks on the state of affairs or make barbed comments on the husband.

To my friend who might be reading this if she’s not too busy with her latest distraction (hehhe): I’m sorry. Will promise to just be your listening ear from now on. And hey, all the best in yet another new chapter in yr life!

--------------------------------------------------

I saw the folly of my ways after reading this book.

I wasn’t exactly enthusiastic in getting the book, the cover looks too chick-lit for my liking. But the prologue got me hooked, and although I was there with the primary aim of only buying the books that were on discount, I ended up adding this (no discounts!) to my buys instead. And it’s been worth it. This is not the normal kind of chick-lit where you lap it up immediately and forget about the story the next day. But this is different. This is the kind that makes you think thoughts which still lingers days after you’ve read it.

"They say there is no such thing as a perfect marriage, but there is. A perfect marriage is one where two people live together for most of their lives until death separates them. What there is no such thing as is an easy marriage. And when it comes to love, we sometimes believe it should happen with ease"

This is for all of us out there who keeps wondering if our partner is THE one.

The most important take from the book for me:
Spider is not the right guy. He is not the wrong guy either. He is just MY guy. The one I have chosen to be with for the rest of my life. The one who WILL be spending the rest of my life with me, insyaAllah.

I’m looking forward to it.

i just wanna sit

giving up one's seat in the train to pregnant ladies and the elderly is a given. i'd do that in an instant the moment i set eyes on any one of them. but what about those who's older than you? like say you're 15...shd you give up your seat for someone who looks 20...25? that's a bit tricky.

i was really really tired when i took the train home from work yesterday. so i welcomed the sight of the guy in front of me vacating his seat to alight from the train. i plonked myself onto the seat. and proceeded immediately to feel guilty for not giving the seat to the 'auntie' who was standing beside me.

now the 'auntie' cannot be classified as an 'elderly' cos she looked to be in her late 30s or maybe early 40s. (granted she shouldnt even be called an 'auntie', but she was dressed so auntie-like that i just have to call her that! :P) and she's definitely not pregnant. but i suppose we've always been taught to respect our elders, even if they're a few hours older than us, so i couldnt help but feel guilty for not giving the seat to her.

but hey, i was really really tired. so forgive me for indulging in that little bit of selfishness. i promise not to do that to pregnant ladies and the elderly though. you can count on that.

fireworks galore from the humble camfone

these were taken from the office....

and these were from that gem of a place...

i've been taking pics wif my fone of late. too lazy to use the digicam. shd hv invested money buying a fone wif better camera. but ah well....better something than nothing.

spider bought this over the weekend. super jealous!! at least i have 23mb of internal memory compared to 6mb of his. but then ah..mine has no external memory while he has a whopping 64mb worth of that. hmph!

mis(sed)-adventure

was supposed to be on a rough-it-out mini trip trekking a mountain in neighbourly malaysia, but spider's health took a turn for the worse early in the week. ended up using my applied-well-in-advance leave nursing him back to health instead. n i'm not complaining. true i've pushed myself to my limits training for the trip, but all the training's not for nought as i'm now fitter and fitted wif nicer leg muscles..hehhe. plus i'd do anything to see him up and about again!

n there were the fireworks. braved through the esplanade crowds last sat for the fireworks fesival opener. realised that the crowd was more stifling than stimulating. opted to watch from the comforts of the office on tuesday and friday with the spider n the folks respectively. and caught the ndp fireworks from the banks of the kallang river too! being on a bike is a huge plus on occassions such as these..hahha!

am not looking forward to work after 6 days of waking up late...

tired | kulai wedding

I’m tired. Physically tired. Just came back, from a whole lot of standing around. I think I’m getting old, cos I tire easily from wearing the heels. I need comfortable cushioned shoes.

Going on a mini trekking adventure next week, and I needed the practice. Been trampling around bukit timah hill and macritchie lugging this humungous backpack on my back. I wonder if I can keep up with the young ones next week. Don’t want to be a disgrace, so I’d better work harder! But I’m tired. Bleah.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me n my folks attended a wedding in kulai last weekend, and it was…weird. Call me a jakun but I’ve never attended a wedding in msia before, so this was the first. There was this riuh mc who was making so much noise I wish he would just shut up. And the whole thing felt like some family day carnival. There were even lucky draw gifts and game prizes given away! Is this something usually done at msian weddings?

The groom was damm delicious though. Hehhe

I’m hoping that there’ll be enough seats for the guests at my wedding. Am getting worried at the number of people my folks are inviting. Hopefully the guests wont be hurried through their meals like we were…

I cant help but feel that if it were the other way round, ie if lebanon were to be the one bombing israel with impunity, then the world (in that I mean great almighty us of a and their cronies) would retaliate without hesitation. They’ll be declaring lebanon to be yet another ‘axis of evil’, sending their troops over to help israel, imposing sanctions on lebanon, the works.

Unfortunately it’s lebanon that’s being bombed. And so the world watches..

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Had my feet dreadfully blistered cos I had to wear covered shoes for a worksite visit. Somehow covered shoes and me just don’t go well together. Unless they’re track shoes. But who wears track shoes at work anyway? Ok manymany people wear track shoes to work, but that just wont do with me. I have to wear nice court shoes, no matter how painful they are. Hahha! So worksite visits = blisters. The equation works every time. And it doesn’t matter if the pair of shoes was from marie claire and looked damm comfortable, not to mention oh so sweet. Once they’re on my feet, they bite. And boy do they really bite!

I had the occasion to meet some of the people I used to work with back at my old posting. It was nice, seeing as to how they remembered me, and still valued my thoughts and opinions even though I’m no longer working with them. I miss my old posting. Work had meaning then.

And then there was the gala dinner on Friday. Networking can be a yawn, but this time round I was in a table filled with people intent on having a good time. So it was enjoyable. In fact, I don’t think I’ve had this much fun at such events before. And the food was great too – western halal food was served to all invitees, unless they specifically requested for vegetarian. That’s a welcome. I’ve always wondered why it is that most organizers still have chinese tables and muslim tables for their d&d. Aren’t you doing the segregating right there? How do you expect your staff to mix around? How do you expect to get away with this and not have enclaves based on ethnicity and religion forming at your workplace?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Less than 5 months to go to my wedding. My mum’s getting frantic cos my hair’s still short. Hahha! Told her not to worry. After all, why should brides have long flowy hair? Short hair will do just nice too.

I finally got around to doing some shopping for the wedding. Now stuffs like bunga paha and bunga rampai have all been taken care of. I’ve gotten the dulangs too, minus the goodies to be placed on them. That’s another round of shopping again. Bleah.

I thought I’ve found a photographer for the actual day, but I think that fell through. It’s my fault I know, cos I was supposed to get back to him ages ago. But with things as they were back then, photography was the last thing on my mind. Now that I’m ready to confirm, he’s gone silent on me. Ah well. I’ve not hit the panic button yet. Anyone knows of someone good who does digital journalistic wedding shots for less than 1k? :)

choices

spider got this last wednesday.

We were at the creative shop at plaza sing. And we were pretty amazed at the kind of things sold there. They seem to have better, cheaper things than apple, with more colours/choices and more functions to boot.

“Then how come people still prefer to buy the ipods than the zens ah?” - spider asked.

“Donno. Maybe they give people too many choices. Ipod got few colours only. But with zen, got so many colours you just give up ah trying to decide which one to get” – offered me.

That was just my way of trying to explain away something I don’t understand. But yesterday, I came across something from the book I’m currently reading that seems to hit the nail on the head.

According to the book, “if you are given too many choices, if you are forced to consider much more than your unconscious mind is comfortable with, you get paralyzed.”

There was an experiment done in which a tasting booth with a variety pf exotic gourmet jams was set up at an upscale grocery store in California. Sometimes the booth had 6 different jams, and sometimes there were 24 different jams on display. They wanted to see whether the number of jam choices made any difference in the number of jams sold. of course common economic sense would tell us that the more choices we the consumers have, the more likely we are to buy, because it’s easier for us to find the jam that perfectly fits our needs.

But they found the opposite to be true. “30 percent of those who stopped by the 6-choice booth ended up buying some jam, while only 3 percent of those who stopped by the bigger booth bought anything. Why is that? Because buying jam is a snap decision. You say to yourself, instinctively, I want that one. And if you are given too many choices, you get paralyzed. Snap judgments can be made in a snap because they are frugal, and if we want to protect our snap judgments, we have to take steps to protect that frugality.”

Amazing.

Lesson to be learnt (for when I finally get down to starting that lil biz of mine):
Don’t offer too many choices, but instead, be very focused on yr product offerings.

so italy won..

Whatever made zidane do the thing he did?? I’m still reeling from that. No matter what instigated the act, he should never, NEVER, have done what he did. You are representing your country on the international level for god’s sake. And there are dozens of cameras focusing on yr every move. Do you seriously think that you can get away with that? The press is gonna have a field day writing abt this…..

Italy won. And I’m mighty pissed. They have been mediocre throughout the world cup finals, and they were mediocre in the final match. France dominated the match throughout. Granted, the penalty awarded to France was iffy. But there was an instance later in the match when they shd have been awarded another penalty. Not that I’m a die-hard France supporter. But I thought they played well, and so of the 2 they deserved the cup more.

Not that the 2 teams are that great to begin with. Can you remember the last time the world cup was decided on penalties?? I certainly can’t. Then again I don’t exactly have an encyclopedic memory of the world cups.

Wished Germany had been in the final instead. They were wonderful in their last match. 3 goals. And they were constantly attacking. I started out thinking that the german team is gonna be the same practical, boring team like the german teams before. Solid defence, with one or two forays upfront. But this german team has proven me wrong. The german team that I saw in the opening match against costa rica was exciting, always attacking. And I was won over ever since.

If only Germany had been in the final..

disillusioned

Every Friday, one of the things that I look forward to is getting a copy of TODAY. Not so I could read the news of the day…I could get those anywhere. I look forward to getting a copy of Fridays’ TODAY so that I could read the writings of this particular favourite blogger of mine, who also happens to have a column in the paper on fridays.

My ritual every Friday is to collect a copy of the paper during lunch, bring it back to the office, and deliberately put it aside without taking a peek inside. and then, when the work day is over, I’ll finally flip through the pages till I come across the big smiley face caricature that’s a trademark of those columns. And, after devouring the contents, I’d invariably smile, or sometimes laugh out loud.

His columns have that effect on me. Because they're funny. Because they're irreverent. Because they usually hit the bull's eye with commentaries that are closer to the hearlanders' hearts than many i've seen. Because he has a way of verbalising his thoughts like i never could. satire at its better moments.

Today, the smiley face caricature will not be found in TODAY anymore. His columns have been suspended. All because of a letter from the powers that be. For those who missed out on reading his last piece, here’s the piece in its entirety..

S'poreans are fed, up with progress!
Moving ahead is great but it would be even greater to be able to make ends meet

THINGS are certainly looking up for Singapore again. Up, up, and away.

Household incomes are up, I read. Sure, the bottom third of our country is actually seeing their incomes (or as one newspaper called it, "wages") shrink, but the rest of us purportedly are making more money.

Okay, if you say so.

As sure as Superman Returns, our cost of living is also on the up. Except we are
not able to leap over high costs in a single bound.

Cost of watching World Cup is up. Price of electricity is up. Comfort's taxi fares are going up. Oh, sorry, it was called "being revised". Even the prata man at my coffeeshop just raised the price of his prata by 10 cents. He was also revising his prata prices.

So Singaporeans need to try to "up" their incomes, I am sure, in the light of our rising costs. Have you upped yours?

We are very thankful for the timing of all this good news, of course. Just after the
elections, for instance. By that I mean that getting the important event out of the way means we can now concentrate on trying to pay our bills.

It would have been too taxing on the brain if those price increases were announced
during the election period, thereby affecting our ability to choose wisely.

The other reason I am glad with the timing of the cost of living increases and wages going down, is that we can now deploy our Progress Package to pay for some of these bills.

Wait, what? You spent it all on that fancy pair of shoes on the day you saw your money in your account? Too bad for you then.

As I break into my Progress Package reserves to see if it is enough to pay the bills, I feel an overwhelming sense of progress. I feel like I am really staying together with my fellow Singaporeans and moving forward.

There is even talk of future roads like underground expressways being outsourced to private sector companies to build, so that they, in turn, levy a toll on those of us who use these roads.

I understand the cost of building these roads is high, and the Government is relooking the financing of these big road projects.

Silly me, I thought my road tax and COE was enough to pay for public roads.

Maybe we can start financing all kinds of expensive projects this way in future. We could build upgraded lifts for older HDB blocks, and charge tolls on a per use basis.

You walk into your new lift on the first floor, and the scanner reads the contactless cashcard chip embedded in your forehead. This chip would be part of the recently-announced Intelligent Nation 2015 plan, you know, that initiative to make us a smart nation?

So you, the smart contactless-cashcard-chip-enhanced Singaporean would go into your lift, and when you get off at your floor, the lift would deduct the toll from your chip, and you would hear a beep.

The higher you live, the more expensive the lift toll.

Now you know why I started climbing stairs for exercise, as I mentioned in my last column. I plan to prepare for that day when I have to pay to use my lift. God help you if some kid presses all the lift buttons in the lift, as kids are wont to do. You will be beeping all the way to your flat.

The same chip could be used to pay for supermarket items. You just carry your bags of rice and groceries past the cashierless cashier counter, and the total will be deducted from your contactless cashcard automatically.

You will not even know you just got poorer. And if your contactless cashcard runs out of funds (making it a contactless CASHLESS cashcard), you just cannot use paid services.

The door of the lift won't close, the bus won't stop for you, taxis will automatically display "On Call" when their chip scanners detect you're broke.

Sure, paying bills that only seem to go up is painful, but by Jove, we are going to make sure it is at least convenient.

No more opening your wallet and fiddling with dirty notes and coins. Just stand there and hear your income beeped away. No fuss, no muss! I cannot
wait to be a Smart e-Singaporean.

I also found out recently that my first-born daughter's special school fees were going up. This is because of this thing called "Means Testing", where they test your means, then if you are not poor enough, you lose some or all of the subsidy you've been getting for your special child's therapy.

I think I am looking at about a $100 increase, which is a more than a 100 per cent increase, but who's counting, right? We can afford it, but we do know many families who cannot, even those that are making more money than we are, on paper.

But don't worry. Most of you don't have this problem. Your normal kids can go to regular school for very low fees, and I am sure they will not introduce means testing for your cases.

We need your gifted and talented kids to help our country do well economically, so
that our kids with special needs can get a little more therapy to help them to walk and talk. And hey, maybe if the country does really well, the special-needs kids will get a little more subsidy.

Like I said, progress.

High-definition televisions, a high-speed broadband wireless network, underground expressways, and contactless cashcard system — all our signs of progress.

I am happy for progress, of course but I would be just as happy to make ends meet and to see my autistic first-born grow up able to talk and fend for herself in this society when I am gone.

That is something my wife and I will pay all we can pay to see in our lifetimes.

mr brown is the accidental author of a popular website that has been documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997. He enjoys having yet another
cashcard, in addition to his un-contactless one and the ez-link one to add to
his wallet.

- TODAY, 30 June 2006

And here’s the letter, in response to this piece, that brought on his suspension..

Distorting the truth, mr brown?
When a columnist becomes a 'partisan player' in politics

Letter from K BHAVANI

Press Secretary to the Minister for Information, Communications and the Arts

Your mr brown column, "S'poreans are fed, up with progress!" (June 30) poured sarcasm on many issues, including the recent General Household Survey, price increases in electricity tariffs and taxi fares, our IT plans, the Progress Package and means testing for special school fees.

The results of the General Household Survey were only available after the General Election. But similar data from the Household Expenditure Survey had been published last year before the election.

There was no reason to suppress the information. It confirmed what we had told Singaporeans all along, that globalisation would stretch out incomes.

mr brown must also know that price increases in electricity tariffs and taxi fares are the inevitable result of higher oil prices.

These were precisely the reasons for the Progress Package — to help lower income
Singaporeans cope with higher costs of living.

Our IT plans are critical to Singapore's competitive position and will improve the job chances of individual Singaporeans. It is wrong of mr brown to make light of them.

As for means testing for special school fees, we understand mr brown's disappointment as the father of an autistic child. However, with means testing, we can devote more resources to families who need more help.

mr brown's views on all these issues distort the truth. They are polemics dressed up as analysis, blaming the Government for all that he is unhappy with. He offers no
alternatives or solutions. His piece is calculated to encourage cynicism and despondency, which can only make things worse, not better, for those he professes to sympathise with.

mr brown is entitled to his views. But opinions which are widely circulated in a regular column in a serious newspaper should meet higher standards. Instead of a diatribe mr brown should offer constructive criticism and alternatives. And he should come out from behind his pseudonym to defend his views openly.

It is not the role of journalists or newspapers in Singapore to champion issues, or campaign for or against the Government. If a columnist presents himself as a non-political observer, while exploiting his access to the mass media to undermine the Government's standing with the electorate, then he is no longer a constructive critic, but a partisan player in politics.

- TODAY, 3 July 2006

So now his column has been suspended by TODAY. And though many have written in to point out the many errors in the above letter, [like how ridiculous her request that mr brown “should come out from behind his pseudonym to defend his views openly” is because mr brown has never hidden behind his pseudonym. He’s been quoted countless times in the media, and anybody who follows the news know his real name, plus his pictures and his family’s are plastered all over his blog. But this post is already too long for me to include a point-by-point, in-depth rebuttal of the letter. Those interested can check out tommorow.sg for them], the paper has responded to them by saying that they will not be publishing any correspondence on this matter.

We see his column last Friday. And then we see the response from the powers that be on monday. And then…zero. Nothing else is published on this matter. Zilch. It’s like as if the issue didn’t even exist. It’s like as if readers saw the response, and agreed with the response, cos nothing else was said on the matter.

But there are tons of indignant, angry, sad, disappointed people out there. Just check out the blogospehere. Hundreds have left comments on his blog conveying their support to him. This has been the topic of posts on manymanymanymany blogs. The written media might choose to ignore this and pretend it never happened. but there’s always the net, and in here we will not be silent.

So here I am, taking time out from my usual rants and raves, my usual musings and whinings, to write about this. Frankly speaking, I’m tired of the nonsense. I’ve been known to be supportive of the govt, even with their warts and all. Not the ra-ra fan-club kind of supportive, but supportive nonetheless. But I’m beginning to be disillusioned. If honest citizens cant even make comments about the state of things in this country (then again, u can, but only if you have suggestions and solutions to yr complaints too!), then who can??

Like I said, I’m disillusioned.

escape from the jam

while trying to escape the horrendous jam at the ecp last evening, we came across a gem of a find…

france has proven me wrong!

finally!!
france has shown brazil to be what he(she?) is...over-rated.
brazil is out!
woohoooo!!!

quarters highlights | starhub’s cracking me up!

i thought argentina would win, though i wanted germany to prove me wrong.
germany won, and what a hard-fought win that was. like spider said, the blame’s squarely on the argentinian team, most specifically the manager, for who in his right mind would take out 2 attacking midfielders for defensive ones when they’re only 1-0 up? they’re playing against the host country for god’s sake. surely they didn’t expect germany to just give up and gift the win to them?? they should have kept on attacking, instead of holding back and defending their slim advantage. kudos to the german team for being tenacious. for never giving up. for going all out to get the equalizer. and kudos to pak leman for the amazing saves that he made, both during the match and the penalty shootout. by the way, don’t you think the argentinian substitute keeper looks like mcfly the dad in back to the future??

i thought portugal would win, though i wanted england to prove me wrong.
no luck there. portugal won. and i suspect ronaldo wont be having the time of his life in the premier league for months to come. i certainly felt a certain amount of animosity towards him. irrational yes. and i’m not even english. if you ask me, the blame’s on eriksson. what was he thinking putting just one striker up front? no wonder rooney was as agitated as he was. that’s no excuse for his red-card behaviour of cos. but still, you wonder if things would have been different if eriksson had placed 2 strikers up front instead of just one.

as i’m typing this, the brazil-france match is underway. i’m not much of a brazil fan. i think they’re over-rated. but, unless france proves me wrong, i think it’s gonna be a germany-brazil final. with germany to win. yeah!

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starhub’s coverage of the world cup is hilarious. pretty hilarious that we the sports group subscribers had to pay extra for this. what’s the point of subscribing to the sports group? but hey, the people at starhub said that we’re paying for premium service ok! we don’t just get the matches shown live, we get the WHOLE PACKAGE. like i said, it’s hilarious…

1. hilarious that even though we have the luxury of 4 channels to choose from (4 channels i tell u! woohooo!), we’re in fact watching the finals on only one. hahhha.
2. hilarious that the amazing programmers at starhub know exactly when to break for commercials. their timing is perfect. case in point: the germany-argentina match has just ended. the germans have won from the shootout. we see an angry group of argentinian players pushing and shoving, making their way to the referee. yess there’s gonna be a fight! and at that very moment, the brilliant people at starhub decides to break for a commercial. hilarious!
3. hilarious that we’ve been treated to post-match interviews in every imaginable language except english. unless enland’s playing of cos. what’s the point of showing these interviews if they couldn’t be understood by us singaporeans? i’m not saying the interviews must be conducted in english. i’m just asking for some translation. or, at the very least, the brilliant people at starhub could choose not to show those non-english interviews so that we viewers would be spared the agony of watching one of those and not comprehending a single word.

but hey…we get the WHOLE PACKAGE ok. like i said….hilarious!

do you need medical?

for the kepochis out there whos wondering how goondu-like-jc-days me is looking these days…here’s a treat for you…



“do you need medical?” asked my gp yesterday.
like duh! what kind of english is that?? it’s medical certificate my stupid doctor. or mc for short.
no wonder they say our english has gone down the drains. if our learned doctors can say things like that, is there hope for ah sengs and minahs like me?

halftime analysis | hairlocks crisis

spain continues to disappoint. shd have known better than to place my hopes on them. you’d think they’d thrash france judging by the way they’d performed in the opening rounds. but no….they preferred to be consistent instead. consistent in underperforming at the world cup. urrgghh

ghana was my one romantic hope of a david-trouncing-the-goliath match. but it was never to be. yes they played fast balls, their passes were great, but they simply couldn’t convert their chances. it was frustrating seeing the final scoreline. 3-0? was brazil playing brilliantly to deserve that scoreline? i thought not. but i hv this sinking feeling that they’re gonna be lifting the cup come july 9th, even wif all their mediocrity. luck’s always been on their side..no?

it’s half-time now at the world cup. 2 days break away from matches (and kayu referees) galore. which is so sorely needed now that i have a sore throat, itchy cough and running nose wif frequent bouts of sneezing to attend to.

here are the contenders for the coveted right to add a star on their national jerseys…
germany, argentina
italy, ukraine
england, portugal
brazil, france

the usual suspects, apart from ukraine.

i think the winner of the germany-argentina match will go to the finals, cos i don’t see them losing to either italy or ukraine. so that half is pretty easy to figure out.

the other half’s trickier. granted all those ppl on the bandwagon will be rooting for brazil to not only be in the final, but to win the cup no less. remember that stupid ad on starhub where they interviewed sporeans on the streets and EVERY ONE of them said its gonna be brazil??? plsss man where do they get these people???

but i digress. even if brazil were to beat france, they’re gonna face a hard time facing portugal. which brings me to the portugal-england match. as much as i ‘love’ england, i just cant imagine them beating portugal. unless of cos they suddenly decide to rise up to the occasion and play their best, in which case they WILL beat portugal. and if they could beat portugal then they could beat brazil man.

like i said, the other half is iffy. i’m willing to bet (on my fallen locks) though that france will DEFINITELY not be in the finals.

speaking of my fallen locks, been receiving comments from people that i look 10 years younger. me..19? heeee. spider remarked that it’s as if he’s dating his own student. hahh.

but i’m facing a big wurly of a problem. thing is, when my locks were shorn, they blowdried my hair see. so it was all nice and in shape. i shampooed my hair this morning, and now my hair’s in a frightful mess! and when i say frightful i mean frightful medusa goondu-like-jc-days frightful. it’s horrifying!

i’m still glad i did it tho. it’s liberating. and i feel like a new me. and like a few minahs have told me…cutting yr hair is akin to ‘buang suay’. hahhha. i’ll have to start playing around wif my hair dryer at home tho. the very hair dryer whose only function so far was to dry my bro’s art works back when he was in school. you’re gonna be my new best fren dryer!

such is the game | new me

italy was one man down,
for a foul that was to me never strong enough to deserve a straight red card.
australia was one goal down
for a penalty that should never have been one in the first place.
such is the game

i can feel myself getting sicker by the hour
my throat’s sore
but my head’s lighter..literally..less heavy..

when was the last time i see me with short hair? jc1 i think. n i looked damm goondu. which made me swear off short hair…then

but i’ve been wanting to chop it all off for some time now…n what better time to do it than 6 mths before yr wedding..no?

n so i have. chopped off my hair that is. nothing drastic.
new hair...new me!

broken hearts and broken sleep

i’m nursing my first heartbreak at the world cup. yes korea’s out of the finals now, and i’m sad. i can only imagine what the thousands of korean fans must be feeling back in south korea, having to trudge their way back to sleep knowing that all their hopes have been dashed.

it’s ok if the team has been playing badly. defeat would have been more palatable then. but they’ve performed well dammit. winning against togo, drawing with france (with france!)…expectations were high that they could move on to the next round. they’re the only real chance asia’s got to having the continent represented in the second round. but more than that, it’d have been nice seeing the korean fans with all their fevererish antics, heating up the scene in germany. they must be the most loyal, die-hard, organized, colourful group of supporters around in germany right now. it’s a shame that they have to leave so soon.

ah well

the world cup’s wreaking havoc on my sleep. the 9pm matches are ok (a bit too early for my liking, but still manageable), the 12am ones are fine too. but the 3am matches are a challenge. so i’ve done the wise thing by choosing my matches carefully. those that i think are not worth losing sleep over, i skip. now that we’re moving to the second round, chances of me skipping matches is close to zero. i’m salivating at the very prospects of the games, so how can i even afford to miss one of them??

looks like it’ll be more coffee for me. already the amount of coffee i’ve taken in june has more than surpassed the total amount i’ve taken for the whole of last year. i’m no coffee drinker mind you. but my café nova’s 3-in-1 coffee with cinnamon (bought early this year for the office on a whim and kept in storage because it tasted kinda weird) is suddenly my favourite companion in the office these days. and i’ve resorted to ordering kopi, or kopi ais, with my meals of late.

but hey..i got to wake up late today. and tomorrow. so thank god for the weekends!!

enough already!

I have enough of the papers and emails going on and on about soccer widows. You mean to say that we ladies don’t watch soccer? That we don’t know a thing or two about soccer? Oh please. we ladies watch soccer too ok. We ladies know how to appreciate a good thing when we see it.

And then there’s the slew of articles on how ladies just don’t get it when it comes to soccer..n that they shd just stay away from the topic..period? urrggghh. What makes these people think that the game belongs to the males of the world only? Why should only those who appreciate all the technical jargon that comes with the game be allowed to ENJOY the game? Must we really be required to know that player A plays for Club B and that he’s scored X number of goals for the country in order to be allowed to enjoy the game? And should we really have opinions on whether this 4-5-1 formation works better than the 4-4-2 that was employed for the previous match in order to be taken seriously? (not that i dont have opinions on these...but even if i dont..i shd still be allowed to watch the game!)

And what’s with the contention that “women who think they know football watch it to be one of the cool girls who can hang out with the fellows at the bar” that I read in ST the other day??? Contrary to what the writer (and I don’t think he’s in the minority) might be thinking, us ladies do not spend our time seeking validation from guys for our existence. We don’t need to know soccer just so we could appear cool in the eyes of the male world. Please. We’re already cool as it is.

I’m not gonna waste my time defending our (us ladies) rights to watch, enjoy or even play the game. Suffice for me to say that, like everything else in this world, some people get it, and some (men and women included) just…don’t.

sucker!

hopeless england finally scored 2 goals
and hopeless me is predictably happy!

i’m an england fan what can i say.
yes they’re frustrating most of the time
and they’re not exactly the most interesting/superior team around,
but a fan would stay by her team no matter what.

it’s a bit like love.
they say love is blind. blind to his flaws, his shortcomings, his weaknesses.
but that’s what they say.
i say love is not blind.
it’s something that you fall into with eyes wide open.
it’s acceptance of his flaws, his shortcomings, his weaknesses.
and loving him still despite of these.

i’m still rooting for the underdogs
but when it comes to england i’ll be rooting for them thank you very much

i'm a sucker for love ;-)

and now...to the next match...

of balls, politics, and me

the world cup’s coming! the very idea of it is giving me orgasms. wait a minute, what do i know abt orgasms?? hehhe. but seriously, i’m relishing the idea of watching match after match in the wee hours of the day…and going to the office all groggy and stoned, or hyper and revved up, depending on how the matches went. the only bummer is that there’s not a single soccer fan to be found among the female colleagues around me (damm!). how is one supposed to gush abt the incredible save made by the goalie or that pinpoint cross which resulted in the goal? at least it was better four years ago. true the male colleagues around me then were soccer idiots. but at least they were interested enough to place bets on matches and had to consult the one-with-all-the-answers (that would be me..ahem) for tips. but nevermind..the world cup is coming! right now, i have no favourites, though i have to admit that england’s pretty close to my heart (duck!). but hey….forgive me for being lame but it’s kinda difficult not to have a soft spot for that country, seeing as to how i’ve been fed a weekly diet of epl matches for years on end. i wouldn’t mind seeing the underdogs go far though, so i’ll definitely be rooting for them. woohoo!

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heard through the grapevine that more people will be leaving the company. which is sad, for me of cos, not for them. i’m always happy for my colleagues who are leaving, cos they’re usually leaving for greener pastures. but i’m sad for me, cos i’m still here. you’d think 2-3 years would be enough for me to gain the experience and move on. but no, here i am still, 5 years down the road.

i remembered being all fired up to do my job. where else can one get the opportunity to sit across the table from the gm or ceo and negotiate on an even field? the satisfaction i got from getting what i set out to have at the start of negotiations, was immense. i knew then that i was making a difference, that whatever i do had a direct impact on people.

and then i got posted out. because of the damm rotation policy. and now i’m doing something that is so big-picture, so macro, that the end results are lost to me. it’s demotivating. and it doesn’t help when you see the company going all out to recruit dozens of people to do the job that you wanted to do. why are they spending so much money recruiting and training these newbies when here, their trained personnel (me, and my other colleagues who are also rotated out) are put to waste languishing in jobs that ‘interest’ them to bits?

and then there’s the politicking. i know that the powers that be are good at what they’re doing, but i cant stand the holier-than-thou attitude. the ‘form vs substance’ argument, though valid, smacks of arrogance. you have no time to deal with the masses because you have bigger things to worry about? hello? yes jobs are important, and without jobs we singaporeans are doomed. but we do want our politicians to have time to listen to our troubles. because they are OUR troubles, and we’re facing them. thank you for making singapore competitive and bringing jobs so that i can survive, but at the moment i’m facing this particular problem and it’s bothering the hell out of me and isn’t that precisely why i am turning to you? cos you’re supposed to represent me, and i’d love to solve my problems myself but it’s precisely because i’m desperate that i’ve turned to you for help. so forgive me if i’m caught up with all the ‘form’ – being able to see my mp when i want to, instead of focusing on the ‘substance’.

ok i’m venting. i need to find a solution to my current disillusionment. fast.

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i’m one year closer to 30 today. i suppose if i make myself real detached from things, that i’ll realize that i have lots of things to be thankful for. i’m a year older aren’t i? the last few years especially, have seen me blossom into someone i like. someone with a more positive outlook on life, someone who’s more easygoing, someone who’s less inclined to sweat the small stuffs.

so…here’s to ME. happy befday gal!

11 books for $62 is yeyyness. 3 michael connellys and 2 anita shreves…among others. am nursing a huge neckache from looking down too long at the books lined up on the floor. heard someone saying “they could have spent some money on tables”. was in total agreement there. not that that’s driving people away. in fact i’ve never seen so many ppl at the mph warehouse sale before. must be the start of the hols. drove round n round before i managed to get a lot. i’ve totally fallen in love wif the mockingbird so i bought it the moment i laid eyes on it. it’s a steal at only $5. have i mentioned that i’d bought 11 books for $62? hehhe

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was discussing my little germ of a business idea wif my brother a while ago at simpang. it’s seldom that we get to spend time together. the other brother joined us soon after. just the 3 of us. my brothers are older now. we all are. more mature? i think so. smarter? hard to tell...but i think yes! :P

spider got a book by richard branson just last week. something called ‘just do it’ (or something to that effect). very inspiring. like most motivational books. i’ve got many concerns, like how do i even get started? and where am i gonna get the money to pay for my current lifestyle right now? it’s hard to give up a stable income for something unknown. i don’t know. i want to do it, but do i have the guts, determination, and patience to see this through?

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so…i’ve given my 2cents worth on the hustings. managed to throw in a criticism (or two) in there, but i wished i’d said more. anyway, the whole session was thought-provoking. i sometimes marvel at how confident and sure of themselves the powers that be are. they’re thoroughly convinced that they hold all the answers. nothing and nobody else would do. i don’t get that. more on this later.

i’ve done zero exercise over the weekend. time to hit the pool on monday!

don’t know the correct way to wear a condom? i’ll give u a step-by-step pictorial account, wif live demo (just the condom, not the other main prop) to boot. cant rein in yr libido? practise safe sex then. anal sex without condom carries the highest risk of hiv transmission. theres something to be said of a young (ahem) virgin of a girl addressing rooms full of people about the birds and the bees. its funny weird. its even weirder when i’m referred to as the ‘aids girl’. hahha. people are mighty impressed wif how i was always able to put on a straight face. but hiv is a serious issue. and its amazing the misconceptions people still have about the virus.

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had a blast catching a sneak preview of this yesterday. streets ahead of mi3 if you ask me. didn’t read up on the plot beforehand, and boy i was in for a few surprises. i’m not too sure if i shd watch da vinci code though. tom hanks as the lead? errrrrrrr definitely not my first choice. heard that they’re gonna be doing a movie adaptation of angels n demons…i’ve always thot it’s a better book than dvc...

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thot i’d ‘up’ my literary quotient by reading this. which is a really good thing cos i absolutely enjoyed it. why’d i take so long to read this huh? i really shd hv followed my heart in jc…but instead i took the ‘practical’ step n studied science instead. had the chance to ‘redeem’ myself in uni…but again i copped out. coward.

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june’s approaching. i’ll be one step closer to 30. been taking stock of my life for some time now. been shackling myself wif chains of my own design. time to break free. to hell wif the wat-ifs? just do it? why not. been toying wif an idea. might just work. hope i have the guts to just do it.

in the meantime, am supposed to give my 2cents worth tmrw on the hustings. how truthful can i get without being un-pc? delicate balance there :)