night duty

it's 3 in the morning and i'm sitting in a darkened room listening to the gentle snorings of the husband and the whimperings of the boy. yes - the boy. our precious boy, has arrived some 7 weeks back. and my life has not returned to normalcy since then.

is it normal to feel completely inadequate and helpless? that mothering instinct that's supposed to kick in once baby arrives, i think it decided to give me a miss, cos i don't think i have it. what i do have, though, is a growing list of failures.

i shall not dwell on my failings as a mother.

staying up late - now that's something i can do. so here i am, on night duty today and every day. taking care of baby, when he's semi-groggy anyway and doesnt need much coaxing to go to sleep once awake - this i can do.