Here i am sitting in my car with the aircon on, feeling out of sorts. I am feeling so bloody guilty for sending the boy to school. I feel so bad i am tearing. Am i a bad mum? Why am i subjecting him to such grief?
It's the 3rd day of school for him, and the 2nd day without me with him in class. Today's the last day parents are allowed in, but i've already decided not to join him from the 2nd day.
Yesterday, he was fine at first. I brought him to the door, and he did his hygiene check cheerfully. He placed his shoes on the rack, and then happily sat inside. He was oblivious to the fact that I was not with him, happily looking around at his friends. The moment the teacher started closing the door however, the kids started crying. One after another - it was a crying symphony! "Mummy where are you?? Eh bukak pintulah!" I could hear him say (it was obviously him cos he's the only malay in class!). When they were released....he was crying badly, tears hingus and all. "Mummy rayyan nangis", he told me. I could see that clearly my dear boy.
Today, he was anxious again. When i left him, he was about to run after me, crying, before being intercepted by the teacher. It was so heartbreaking!!
Why am i subjecting him to this again?? He's only 2 1/2 years, nowhere near 3. Is he too young for school? I thought it'd be good for him socially, since otherwise he'd be cooped up at home with his bibik and nani. And the playgroup is only for an hour and a half. He shd be alright, right? But his cries, his tears, the way he clung to my legs, I can't take it! I cant accept that I'm doing this to my son!
Did i make the wrong move?
It's time to fetch him now. Let's hope he is better :(